GUILTY PLEASURES UPSET!

WEEK 1 WINNER: COMFORT FOOD!

Wow, what a surprise, comfort food wins out for today. Get your bets in for tomorrow.

Place Your Bets. . .

Like I said before, I took a little vacation from the Andelmans last week. I'm kicking myself now, because apparently there was a new episode on Saturday called Munch Madness! I use the term "new" loosely. This is obviously just another clever way for PG to rebrand the same canned "snack attack" segments. Point in case:
In the past year alone, 10 snack-related episodes:
(note: I didn't include dessert, chocolate or candy related shows)

1. How to Beat a Snack Attack in 30 Minutes - Original Airdate: 2008-03-23
2. Munch Madness! - Original Airdate: 2008-03-22
3. Super Sunday Snack Attack - Original Airdate: 2008-02-03
4. Stock Up on Sweets for the Big Game - Original Airdate: 2008-01-26
5. Playoff Snack Attack - Original Airdate: 2008-01-12
6. Phantom's Snack Attack - Original Airdate: 2007-09-23
7. Awesome Beach Shacks and Snacks - Original Airdate: 2007-09-02
8. Summertime Snack Attack - Original Airdate: 2007-06-16
9. Snack Attack Solutions - Original Airdate: 2007-04-14
10. Easter Chocolates and Candy - Original Airdate: 2007-04-08

You think that's bad? Here's the round up on Comfort Food shows:

1. All Your Favorite Comfort Foods - Original Airdate: 2008-02-23
2. Today Is a Comfort Food Kind of Day - Original Airdate: 2008-02-17
3. Craving Comfort Food? - Original Airdate: 2008-01-27
4. Comfort Foods You Crave - Original Airdate: 2008-01-12
5. All Your Comfort Food Fantasies Come True - Original Airdate: 2007-09-22
6. Phantom's Most Wanted Comfort Food: Caught on Tape! - Original Airdate: 2007-09-01
7. Great Spots for Guilty Pleasures - Original Airdate: 2007-07-21
8. Your Food Fantasies Come True! - Original Airdate: 2007-07-01
9. Ultimate Guilty Pleasures - Original Airdate: 2007-06-03
10. Guilty Pleasures You Can't Resist - Original Airdate: 2007-04-28
11. Today is a Comfort Food Kind of Day - Original Airdate: 2007-04-15
12. In The Mood for Comfort Food? - Original Airdate: 2007-04-07
13. Phantom's Most Wanted Comfort Foods - Original Airdate: 2007-03-31
14. What's Your Food Fantasy? - Original Airdate: 2007-03-31
15. Phantom's Secret Food Fantasies - Original Airdate: 2007-03-18

So, in the spirit of "Much Madness" I've created this Phantom Gourmet Bracket. Print it out, and play along with your friends. Which show will it be this week??? PLACE YOUR BETS!

Ham it up, without the Andelmans.

Me and my lady friend decided to take a nice weekend away from the Andelmans, so I missed last week's all new episode of PG. But, one of my sources told me of the the "Snack Attack" program that aired on Easter morning. Though I was out of TV38's broadcasting range, I felt a special phantom pheeling, on Easter Sunday, as I enjoyed "comfort food" with my loved ones.

My father baked two deliciously decadent spiral hams, oozing with sticky honey glaze and covered with tart and tangy pineapple pieces. Garlic mashed were a bit lumpy, and my brother forgot to actually put garlic in them, as he was two sheets to the wind. The canned corn tasted straight from the can, but it was redeemed by the three kinds of kielbasa served. Traditional Polish kielbasas were blood red with a mild spiciness, along with a more subdued flavor in the Lithuanian sausage. The borscht smelled of sweet pungent rotting oatmeal, because that's what it is. Dessert portions were enormous, with a wickedly wicked whoopie pie the size of a spare tire. Overall I give my family's Easter dinner a 74, Mezze Mezza.

Fun Fact

72% of Boston Herald content is ads for Boch Automotive.
36% of Boch Automotive ads are made up of Ernie Boch Jr's face.

Thus, 54% of the Boston Herald is comprised of Ernie Boch Jr.'s ugly mug.

"Confidence you can poop on"

So, it's become the norm to see Dave Andelman kissing ass to any Mom & Pop operation in New England that will throw some ad dollars his way. And it's understood that the production quality of these commercials is of mediocre quality.




What intrigues me is the ad for Mom & Pop banking, a la Commerce Bank. I've never even heard of of Commerce Bank before. Where is it? At the end of the commercial they show a building typical of the 70's modernist bank architecture style - but no location is provided. No phone number. No fax. Just a website. And to assume Commerce Bank has a website is to also assume they offer spaceship loans.

But, can one really believe Phantom, Inc. trusts this ragtag credit union with their multi-hundred dollar media empire? I believe it. What worries me, is that in the TV commercial, Dave admits to having to take out loans to keep Phantom afloat. And he shamelessly divulges he needed a line of credit just to organize Phantom events.

I heard he took out a third mortgage on his condo just to rent a dance floor for the food fest.

Restaurant Recipe for Disaster

A Good way to calculate the downfall of Phantom Gourmet, is to look at the degradation of sponsorship for the Restaurant Recipe segment of the show.

In the beginning the Restaurant Recipe was presented by Newbury College.
Respectable.

At one time is was presented by the Cambridge School of Culinary Arts.
Not Bad.

The New England Culinary Institute.
They got Alton Brown - cool dude.

So, what's up with this McIntosh College, the new namesake for the Restaurant Recipe??? From what I gather it's the ITT Tech of cooking schools. They call themselves a "Career Education School." I don't think that means college. I think it means you can study to be a chef
. . . or an ambulance driver. . . or a graphic designer. . . or be an HVAC repairman. All trades that require only a GED and a rough childhood.

I bet they're not even accredited.


So I wonder, what came first - the slow devolution of Phantom Gourmet content? or, the lackluster sponsors? Did McIntosh college cause the 54% increase in Comfort Food / Guilty Pleasure / Snack Attack programming?

Just look at some of the recipes featured in the McIntosh College "Restaurant Recipes"

Buttery Lobster Balls Golden and luxurious, with real crab meat.

Popcorn Balls Homemade microwave popcorn and Crisco work magic.

Not Your Mom's Meatloaf Your Mom's is probably better.

The Strummer's Stromboli Pizza dough isn't just for stuffed crust pizza anymore!

Deep Dish Pizza Double the cheese... double the crust... double the toppings... double the toilet paper.

Stuffed Chile Burger Cheese isn't just for stuffing pizza crust anymore!

Cookie Sandwich This is a cookie dessert for NASCAR fans.

Waffle Fry Nachos Handcut is overrated. No one could cut a waffle fry by hand.

So, this is where the staff at Ground Round went to school.

Phantom has a Myspace Page

Phantom Gourmet Myspace? www.myspace.com/phantomgourmet
This it too good to be true.



So much pink and purple. So many generic Java applets yanked from Japanese websites ladened with trojan horses, all with their URL plastered everywhere.

The Phantom Gourmet Myspace has that look and feel of being designed by a 13-year old girl - but there's a sense of allure and falsity, that make's me think there's a sketchy old man behind it. I bet this is what the decoy's myspace page looks like on Dateline's To Catch a Predator.

"Hey Mista'Andelman! Come on in! . . .Did you bring condoms and whiskey??? I'm just doing laundry, I made some Chicken Zingers and Poutine, help yourself!"


The Myspace site says that Phantom Gourmet is 102 years old, and male. The combined age of the Andelmans is 102, coincidence? NO! And the Phantom has Tom in their 'Top 8' friends, who still has Tom in their 'Top 8?' Phantom is so lame. But also, I kinda want to request him as a friend, because I bet he fills out those stupid surveys about kissing.

Ok, I gotta stop looking at the Phantom Myspace. I just threw up in my mouth a little.