Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Judge  Rules: Not Guilty (Pleasures)

A federal judge has dismissed a libel suit brought against the Phantom Flawed blog. The lawsuit accused the blog of conspiring to slander the three Andelman brothers behind the wildly unpopular local TV program, Phantom Gourmet.

The Andelmans filed the lawsuit against the author and creator of the blog. Knowing well the blogger hasn't the capital to pay out big, and being the asses they are, the Andelmans also filed suit against Eric E. Schmidt, CEO of Blogspot's parent company Google, Inc..

Dan, Dave and Mike Andelman contended that the defendants conspired to libel them, place them in a false light and inflict emotional distress with intent to decrease their advertising sales.

A federal cease and desist order was issued to Phantom Flawed in June, forcing the author to halt his critique of Phantom Gourmet . The blog has not been updated since the injunction. Though it wasn't mandated by the court, Phantom Gourmet hasn't aired a new episode all summer either. Instead, the show relied on the same old reruns featuring maceroni and cheese.

But this past week, a U.S. District Judge vehemently disagreed with the Andelmans' claims, reversing the order. In his ruling, he defended the Blogger's right to critique the "douche bags," noting that such analysis is useful "so that the uneducated population of New England doesn't become dumber, fatter or more inclined to read the Herald."

Unlike an episode of Phantom Gourmet, the trial was rather entertaining. But the court room wasn't without Andelman antics. Dave Andelman decided to represent himself, though he has no proper legal training. He was assisted by fellow Northeastern Alumnus, Sal Lupoli. Also sitting with the prosecution was Dan Andelman, who appeared each day in court wearing the same purple shiny shirt he wears on every episode of Phantom Gourmet. Mike Andelman insisted on wearing a "press" hat, and pretended to take notes the whole time - while sitting with members of the legitimate press.

While the judge didn't allow cameras in the courtroom, the Andelmans still wore copious amounts of makeup - and reapplied at each court recess.

Throughout the trial, when cross-examined by the defendants, Dan Andelman would scream out "CUT!" and run over to his older brother and ask him for a line. The judge allowed this to happen for several days until the a medical expert was brought in to evaluate Dan's mental capacity. The resulting report showed, while Dan's IQ is extremely low, and his facial features are very bulbus, he does not have Down Syndrome.

On the final day of hearings the defendants called a surprise witness to the stand: Ernie Boch Jr. The local car magnate (pictured below) often appears on the Phantom Gourmet program. But throughout his testimony, he made striking claims against the Andelmans, and at one point stood up and said "You'll never be as rich as me!"

Testifying at the stand was a list of who's who of local gimmick restaurants. Among those called by the prosecution was Jasper White and Steve Uliss. Also appearing was Strega owner, Nick Varano, who took a plea deal allowing him to relocate under the federal witness protection program.

Ernie Boch, Jr., above, testified against the Andelmans.


Anonymous Sackphace Daddy said...

Swishy's closing argument probably didn't help:

"If the glove don't fit, stick your fist in deeper"

October 1, 2008 at 5:17 PM  
Blogger LJ Sandwich said...

It's been six days, and I'm still running to the toilet and vomiting every hour, on the hour. If any of you saw Dan "Sackface" Andelman last weekend, wearing a purple vest, and disco dancing in front of a Danny Terio video, then you'll all understand.

October 3, 2008 at 8:51 AM  
Blogger LJ Sandwich said...

Andelman Schysters have just announced their latest scam on the public. A beer and food festival at the site of their beloved Pappy's Sausage Hoe-Down, Suffolk Downs. They are curiously only charging 4 bucks to walk into that cesspool, so you can rest assured that the aluminum bottled domestic rat piss will sell at a premium, and that queerstick from Fuddrucker's horsemeat patties will cost in excess of 15 bucks a slab.

October 3, 2008 at 10:25 AM  
Anonymous Guntfather of Sports Radio said...

My boys are hard working kids who have never been handed anything in their life. They're just trying to earn a buck with their winning personalities.

October 3, 2008 at 1:25 PM  

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